Finding My Happiness

Finding My Happiness

I've been back from India for nearly a month now. I'm sure you're all waiting for pictures. I travelled with a professional photographer (from Spain) who gave me a copy of her photos and so I have loads, but there are now too many to choose from! I also travelled with a nurse from Cambridge, so I felt very safe. ;D

It was an interesting trip - totally awesome! But not without tests! I was fine when someone else grabbed my luggage by mistake. I also coped with being thrust on stage in front of the general public (about 60 guests?) and asked to divulge deep spiritual wisdom over the next 30 minutes. Sadly, I did not have that much material. In fact, I have never divulged spiritual wisdom in a public talk before and so I was really caught off guard. I think I spoke for about 5 minutes - and it wasn't terribly deep nor terribly spiritual! I was better prepared for the next public programme though.

What really tested me was when we left Goa and headed towards Madhuban. We got to Ahmedabad, expecting a taxi to pick us up to take us to Mt. Abu (this is what we had requested). However, we were told we could not travel that evening and had to wait until the next morning. Disappointment #1. Next, when we arranged to go to Mt. Abu, we were told we couldn't go up the mountain, but had to stay in Shantivan. Now, there is nothing wrong with Shantivan, but my heart was set on Pandav Bhavan. Disappointment #2. When we got to Shantivan and requested a room, a brother quickly ran over. 'Foreigners are allowed to go up the mountain - no need to stay here.' Great, we were headed up. I was happy again. The hired car took us to Gyan Sarovar. We asked to be taken to Pandav Bhavan, but we were again told no. There was a transport ban at that time and so they felt it was better we stay put. Disappointment #3. The next day, another sister from Cambridge arrived in Gyan Sarovar. She requested Pandav Bhavan. They let her go. And I was wondering, 'Why can't I go?' Disappointment #4 + jealousy. The following day, those from Pandav Bhavan came to visit Gyan Sarovar. One brother staying there suggested I ask again. I did. By the end of the day, the three of us were allowed to move to Pandav Bhavan. I finally got my wish. But I didn't feel happy. Disappointment #5.

I kept good company - people who were light, kind, funny, sweet, etc. I was hoping some of their good humour would rub off on me. Nothing was working. I was completely needy but unable to satisfy those needs.

Then I recalled something my teacher mentioned in one of the public programmes in Goa. He was speaking about happiness. Who are the happiest people? The wealthy? The poor? The givers? The receivers? The takers? What group?

Statistically, the givers are the happiest. Then my teacher gave some examples from his own experience. I thought about this and wondered, 'How can I use this to find my own happiness?' I realized that the whole time I had been in Rajastan, I was thinking only of myself and my desires. I was not of any use to anyone. This realization was quite hard because I suddenly realized how ugly I was.

From then on, I was determined to be there for others, to give, to put others first, etc. The whole experience turned around for me. I was light. I was happy and enjoying myself. I was enjoying others and being with others. I was not so concerned with what Heather wanted, but with what others wanted and how I could fulfil their needs / desires.

Coming home, there is a tendency to want to return back to 'me, me, me'. I have to keep checking and tweaking my attitude. It's not easy, but I'm sure the results will be well worth it.

Thank you for reading. For more information on Raja Yoga philosophy see www.bkwsu.org.