Loneliness?

Loneliness?

The last couple days I've been in a funny mood. I feel as if I don't belong anywhere, as if I'm not a part of any group. I feel no connection to anyone and so I just want to leave this world - to escape. Don't worry - these are not suicidal feelings. More like loneliness - feeling alone - feeling like I have nothing in common with anyone else.

I'm not a stranger to this feeling. It comes and goes. And as I get used to it, the need to escape lessens.

The funny thing about this loneliness feeling is that I know that I'm not the only one who experiences this. I'm not really alone! And this is somewhat comforting. For I know it's just another one of those human experiences. I don't have to act on it - merely tolerate it until it passes. And knowing this actually brings intoxication. I may be experiencing something less than contentment, but it doesn't mean I have to give into it. Instead, by letting it exist - by accepting it without letting it rule my life, I can get on with my spiritual work. This loneliness feeling then becomes like a cat, which follows me around until it gets hungry, thus leaving in search of food.

Thank you for reading. For more information on Raja Yoga philosophy see www.bkwsu.org

Duvet Day Revisited

Duvet Day Revisited

If you've not yet read my previous post about my Duvet Day, I suggest you read that before reading this - it will make a lot more sense.

On Monday, I declared it 'duvet day'. Then blogged about it. Then told a few friends about it. I have had some varying responses, which I found interesting and wanted to share.

Firstly, I'll just inform the reader that in Raja Yoga we are taught to have faith in God, faith in the drama (this world life), faith in the intellect (having studied Raj Yoga principles) and faith in the family (the spiritual family). So I listened to what some of my family had to say about duvet day.

My mother was worried about my moodiness, short temper, mental health. (I really should call her.) She gave some suggestions what was behind it. She thought it was a one-off thing. I wrote back that it was a regular monthly thing and that it probably was not really as bad as I made it sound in the blog (everything seems exaggerated when I'm in those states of mind so I really didn't mean to mislead if I did). She also told me she loved me. Awww. :D

My spiritual sister suggested I speak to a doctor. There is medicine you can take to help such a condition. "After all," she said, "you wouldn't want to strangle your husband." What?! Strangle my husband?! The thought hadn't really crossed my mind. But it makes me wonder about whether it crossed hers!

Another senior sister was concerned that I had gotten so bad that I would need to spend the day in bed. "But I didn't spend the day in bed - I was actually quite productive - that was the point of the blog." But she understood why my mother was concerned. Neither of us are the types to stay in bed, even when deathly ill. So I could see her point.

I also spoke with a doctor friend of mine. I asked him what is causing these bouts of emotion and temper. Am I just going through chemical/hormonal upsets or am I really really good at repressing something deep and troublesome? He assured me that it was more likely to be chemical/hormonal. He also suggested that if one resists indulging the senses, one can become less sensitive to bodily maladies and, eventually, they will hold no influence over the mental state. Hmmm.

Do I indulge the senses? Um, yeah - especially during (or just before) those phases. I get terrible food cravings and I give into them. Especially sweets. And looking back on how I feel after indulging, I can't help but believe he's got a point.

So I will be experimenting with renunciation during cravings. All in the name of science, better health and a better mental state.

Om shanti.

Thank you for reading. For more information on Raja Yoga philosophy see www.bkwsu.org.

When the going gets tough, the tough have a duvet day!

When the going gets tough, the tough have a duvet day!

The last few days I've been going through a phase of moodiness and high emotion. I will feel depressed and start crying for no reason. I will lose my temper and bite your head off for the slightest affront. I will drag my feet throughout the day with no motivation. And I will feel guilty for all of it!

Today I woke up to grey skies and the promise from BBC that the sun would not put in an appearance. I decided that instead of moping around, I would just declare it a duvet day. For those who have been following my blogs, you know that a duvet day means wrapping up in a duvet or quilt on the couch and eating some (or all) of your favourite foods. I declared to my husband (my biggest critic - yes, he's harder on me than I am) that I was having a duvet day, and he said nothing. Was this his approval? Or was he afraid of being confronted by Mrs. Hyde / the Incredible Hulkess / the Bride of Frankenstein rolled into one? I don't know, but because he didn't object, I felt ok about having a duvet day. Yes, this was going to be great.

I spent about an hour reading and eating breakfast. Next I got on the internet and did some surfing. I thought, while I'm here I might as well respond to some emails. I caught up on my admin tasks for my business. I then uploaded some photos for listing some items on Freecycle and Ebay. I started an Ebay selling account. When my husband asked if I'd do a small task for him, I responded, "I'll do anything you ask, as long as it's not unpleasant," which could be anything other than eating chocolates. But what he asked would only take 10 minutes of my time, so I generously gave up 10 minutes of duvet day without feeling put out.

The funny thing is, I think I got more done today than had it been a 'regular' day. I still kept up with the daily tasks of getting daughter ready for school, doing the school runs, cooking dinner and getting daughter and friend off to Brownies. I even got daughter and friend to do their homework. I was so productive today it's frightening.

I don't think it would be wise to label everyday 'duvet day' just to up my productivity. But it becomes an interesting case study. What made me more productive? What caused me to enjoy the day and feel refreshed by evening? Why do I feel such a high sense of achievement on what should have been a throw-away day? Why do I feel less moody?

The biggest difference I see is that I moved out of 'I should' awareness to 'I could'. I set no expectations on myself, so anything that got done was a bonus. I gave myself permission to rest, but only used what I needed. I removed the heavy mill-stone around my neck and just enjoyed a burden-free day. I did everything because I wanted to, not because I had to. It was very cool.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I feel it's too cheeky to declare two duvet days in a row. But maybe that's just what I need. ;D

Thank you for reading. For more information on Raja Yoga philosophy see www.bkwsu.org.

Renunciation? No, I'll take Substitution, please.

Renunciation? No, I'll take Substitution, please.

There is something odd about taking a stand against something by openly renouncing or boycotting said item, then searching for a substitute. I'm not standing in judgement - I'm observing my own behaviour. When I decided I needed to be dairy free (because of intolerances) I kept looking for a suitable cheese substitute. In trying out various cheese substitutes, not only was I terribly disappointed each time, but I was probably adding a lot of unnecessary chemicals to the body - trying to fix one problem only to introduce another.

Another example I witness often is those who become vegetarian only to eat meat substitutes. One has to ask, isn't the point of being vegetarian to embrace the consumption of vegetables? I know that if I had stayed on the meat substitution track, I would have missed out on a lot of delicious vegetarian dishes - ones that don't need to pretend to be meat.

Other examples include those wearing guilt-free faux leather, animal prints, faux fur. This ultimately says, "I'm willing to give up guilt for animal rights, but not fashion."

Even more subtly, what about smokers who give up smoking only to chew gum, dieters who eat sugar free candy, alcoholics who drink alcohol-free wine, etc, etc. Yes, it's better to substitute than to not do anything at all, but aren't they just perpetuating the myth that they are missing out on something - like the real thing?

We are a people who want to take credit for giving up something without actually giving up anything. And in doing so, we miss out on the true spirit of renunciation and the rewards that come with it. And you can chew on that for a bit - it's meat-free, dairy-free, and doesn't contain nicotine.

Thank you for reading. For more information on Raja Yoga philosophy see www.bkwsu.org.